By Mabel Iam, www.mabeliam.com

When you’re having a conversation with someone, you, as well as the other person, are both transmitting thousands of messages and signals to each other through your bodies.

We first used non-verbal language when we didn’t have the vocabulary to talk to our parents, or when we didn’t speak a foreign language and needed to communicate. Since this mode of communication is the most primitive, our gestures, postures and movements reveal our emotional state, and reflect the way we relate to the world. To effectively seduce someone, it’s very important to bring into harmonious balance “what you say,” “what you feel,” and “what you communicate.” Bringing these three factors into balance greatly increases the likelihood of success. There are some secrets to becoming highly aware of body language, either of your own or someone else’s, so you can use it most effectively. Here are some hints:

Downcast eyes: When we are talking to someone and we know that they are hiding something, they tend to look down at the ground. A corollary gesture, placing one hand on the opposite arm, indicates a lack of confidence, rather than rejection. Sometimes insecure people use this gesture in an attempt to put themselves at ease.

Not making eye contact during a conversation: this can indicate shyness, or it could mean that the person doesn’t trust what we’re saying.

Looking away before speaking: This shows that the person will offer a carefully considered response. Although this is a very subtle gesture, it’s easy to interpret messages this person sends.

Playing with hair: Many women have a habit of playing with their hair, twisting it or touching it, when they are faced with a person they like. This is a flirtatious gesture, but it can also indicate insecurity and a fear of engaging in conversation.

Crossed arms: this posture indicates a critical, unreceptive, defensive attitude.

Head movements: these gestures communicate different things, according to their rhythm. For example, when someone is speaking and we agree with what they say, in general, we nod our head rapidly, since we are interested in what they are saying. Affirmative movements of the head indicate different things, according to their rhythm. When the nods are rapid, this means, “I understand, please go on.” Tilting the head is another clue that we can interpret in various ways. Tilting the head slightly forward and to one side means, “I’m listening.” And when the head tilt is accompanied by a smile and eye contact, this produces even greater feelings of empathy, and the chances of gaining cooperation are greater.

In contrast, when we don’t agree with what is being expressed, we tend to move our heads slowly from side to side as they speak, as if to negate them. Resting the head on a hand, or looking down at the ground indicates boredom, exhaustion or lack of interest in the other person.

Crossing the legs and shaking a foot: We tend to do this when we’re bored; we may be shaking a foot or rotating an ankle without even realizing we’re doing it.

Shaking a leg: Shaking a leg in a constant, mechanical way when we’re sitting down, either while we’re speaking or listening to someone else, can be an expression of discomfort. It also indicates a desire to leave that particular situation or environment as soon as possible.

Gestures of superiority: Leaning back in a chair, interrupting others, or modulating the voice louder than everyone else’s in a particular group are all an attempt to demonstrate superiority.

Pursing the lips: This can indicate that the person has doubts or doesn’t quite believe what the other person is saying. It can also indicate a reluctance to speak honestly. People who make this gesture are definitely not fully expressing what they are thinking or feeling.

Signs of sexual repression: touching parts of the body can be a way of comforting oneself or an attempt to relax in a stressful situation, like massaging the back of the neck, or running fingers through hair. Licking one’s lips or chewing on an object, like a pen, indicates a certain level of sexual repression, especially when this behavior is engaged in very frequently. It could also be an attempt to be seen as sexy, depending on the overall attitude of the person doing it. Other gestures that indicate certain nervousness or a repression of sexual desires are moving the feet or fingers restlessly, playing with objects, loosening articles of clothing, etc.

Signs of hostility: Some indications of hostility are stomping feet or kicking an object; frowning, or biting the lips.

While you’re trying to send specific messages through your body language, you must try to be very relaxed. If you’re tense, the receiver will pick up on that.

And being relaxed will help you to better read the signals the target of your seduction is sending. The most important thing is to be aware of the messages you are transmitting with every movement, expression and gesture. Maybe the object of your affections has read The Love Diet, my book, too and is well-versed in the art of seduction!

 Mabel Iam made it to the Celebrity Authors List with the publication of her first book in English, Sex and the Perfect Lover ( 2004), and has remained there on account of the successful and renowned “The Love Diet®”.

By Mariela Dabbah   www.marieladabbah.com

So, how do you go about bringing value? I always tell people they should focus more on their passion.

Actually, on the intersection between their passion and their talents. If you discover what you are passionate about and you are able to match that with your abilities, you found gold. Your career takes off like it never did before when you were working at something that you were good at, but not passionate about.

Now, many people have asked me: “How do you discover what you are passionate about?” and that’s a fair question, one that I had to answer myself in the past, and even now, whenever I become distracted by too many interests.

Ask yourself: When are you the happiest? Doing what? With who? Where? The answer may entail a hobby, a specific task at work, or a particular activity you do when you help in your community. It could be anything. My answer was, that I was happiest talking to people and helping them achieve their dreams.

Once you are able to identify your passion, you’ll have to look into your talents. What do you do best? What special abilities do you have? What can you do that nobody else can? (This may involve something as simple as your approach to a topic or a different perspective than anybody else around you). In my case, I knew I could write and speak in an approachable way that would enable people to connect with my message and apply the practical information to their lives. I knew I could connect with all kinds of audiences regardless of gender, age, ethnic background or socio-economic level. That’s how my writing and speaking career took- off overnight. (The truth is, though, that it took me almost fifteen years to prepare for that “overnight” flight!)

In addition to discovering your passion and identifying your talents, you have to keep in mind some aspects of yourself that, as a Latina , you also bring to the table. Of course these characteristics may not all be true for everyone, but they generally apply to people with your background. They involve:

• Your communication style — Spanish is a beautiful language and whether you speak it or not, having been raised by people who speak Spanish has an impact on your style. It’s a very versatile language and it requires a lot more words than English does, to say the same thing. It tends to make for a softer, less direct and assertive communication, which will help you when you try to establish relationships or to mediate between people. You’ll have to work harder at saying “no” than others and to learn to manage conflict, as your tendency is to please others and avoid confrontation. So, think about how good you could be as a negotiator, for example.
• Your great adaptability —Coming from an area with a great level of unpredictability, where you never know what will happen tomorrow, it’s very likely that you learned to have several plans prepared in case “plan A” failed. You tend to be a good trouble-shooter and not to get easily discouraged when things don’t go as expected. You probably handle several different roles with equal competency, which enables you to move from one area of the business to another with no problem. Use this trait to your advantage to take the risks required to change roles or careers if you discover your passion lies elsewhere. Also, it’s a great asset to have in times of change, because you could easily fit in a different role if the company needs to reassign you. Always make sure you don’t stay in a certain position too long, because it feels comfortable even if it’s not what you love to do.

• The ease with which you establish relationships —Due to how the system works in Latin America , personal relationships are extremely valuable, as it’s almost impossible to reach any goals without the support of your family and friends. Therefore, it’s usually very easy for Latinos to establish and maintain their personal relationships. You may just need to develop the ability to do the same in the professional realm. Think about how great you would be as a director of your company’s employee network, as a fund- raiser for the non-profit organization your company supports or as the organizer of special functions where high-level executives participate. These are all activities that would make you stand out.
• Your loyalty —Latinos are known for being loyal to their friends and family. This is a critical value to bring to today’s professional world where companies fight over hiring and keeping the best talent. Your loyalty is a wonderful asset to your employer. Just make sure you don’t miss out on opportunities available to you, because you wish to remain loyal to your boss, your teammates, etc. Show your loyalty by helping to develop businesses for your company, whether you do it by sharing ideas, generating sales or recommending key people for job openings.

You see, the best way to bring value to be workplace is by connecting your passion your talents and certain cultural traits that only you bring to the table.

Mariela Dabbah is the co-author of The Latino Advantage in the Workplace and the author of How to Get a Job in the U.S, Guide for Latinos; Help your Children Succeed in School, guide for Latino Parents; and Help your Children Succeed in High School and Go to College, guide for Latino Parents.

Network with Mariela: Visit her site www.marieladabbah.com or email her at  mariela@marieladabbah.com.

By Laurent Duperval, www.duperval.com

Leadership is as much about skills as it is about emotions. You can easily learn all the notions necessary to make you an effective leader by taking courses and by reading books. However, knowing them and applying them are two different things.

Often, our personal leadership is affected not so much by what we don't know but by what we are unwilling to do. Being unwilling to do the things required of a leader is often caused by fear and lack of self-esteem. Self-esteem has two components: how we see ourselves and how we see others. It has an effect on how we think, how we feel, how we act, and our results. Therefore, if the results you are getting from your team does not match your expectations, the problem may not be with your team: it may be with your approach to leadership.

To have any long-term impact on your team may often require studying and analyzing your own behaviours, in order to determine if they are the cause of your team's lack of performance. The following behaviours could be a signal to your self-esteem is preventing you from leading effectively, and is causing your team to perform below expectations.

1. You do a lot of micro-managing: When you micro-manage, you are signaling that you do not trust other people. By micro-managing them, that is, watching their every move and monitoring that they are doing things as you want them to be done, you are  causing more problems then you are solving. Leadership is about trust and it goes both ways. If you do not trust your team members, they, in turn, will not trust you. If they do not trust you, you must spend more energy to get their cooperation to move forward.

Furthermore, you are preventing them from getting things done. Instead of spending their time working on an issue or task, they spend it reporting to you or managing your interruptions. It fosters resentment, frustration, and missed deadlines.

Solution : let people do their work, and interrupt them as little as possible. Every unplanned interruption reduces the productivity of an individual. He or she needs time and effort to return to the same state of mind prior to the interruption. In fact, an ill-timed intrusion can completely disrupt the creative process.

2. You are afraid of having employees that shine more than you do: most successful leaders will tell you that their success has as much to do with their talents as the talents of the people around them. Good leaders find a way to be surrounded by people who are more competent than they. They do not feel threatened by others' talents. In fact, they will encourage the people around them to make the best use possible of their skills.

Solution : change your perspective. Just because someone is better than you at certain things does not make you appear incompetent. On the contrary, when leaders manage to surround themselves with highly competent people, they are respected for their ability to attract such talent.

3. You don't share credit when things go well: one thing employees hate is a leader who takes all the credit for good ideas and results. At some point, if team members don't feel they get the credit they deserve, they might just decide to stop providing any new input. They might even decide to move to another company where they feel they will be better appreciated.

Solution : accept that others may have better ideas than you. Crediting others for their ideas builds your credibility and shows confidence on your part. Furthermore, it builds loyalty among your team members because they feel respected and valued.

4. You blame others when things go bad: nobody likes a leader who refuses to take at least part of the blame when things go wrong. Looking to lay blame on others makes a leader appear weak and selfish. It also causes team members to defend themselves vehemently and deflect the blame onto others. This can become a vicious circle that undermines your team's morale. Blaming rarely leaves a good taste in anyone's mouth.

Solution: the role of leader often requires one to take the blame and to shield the team. Putting your team on the spot, especially in front of other stakeholders, usually brings more bad will than good will. Instead of trying to lay blame, focus on understanding what caused the issues at hand and finding a way to prevent them in the future.

5. You do not delegate: an effective leader must be able to delegate. However, simply delegating tasks is not enough. Once you decide to delegate a task, you also must be willing to delegate the decision-making aspect. In other words, you must delegate responsibility and authority otherwise nobody will be willing to make decisions, and you become a bottleneck in the decision process. Not laying blame is a critical aspect of delegation. Once you delegate responsibility and accountability for a task, you must also accept a certain level of failure commensurate with that task. No matter what, people will make mistakes. If they fear severe consequences because of a mistake, it will paralyse them and your delegation process will be ineffective.

Solution: delegate responsibility and authority to make decisions. If need be, set specific milestones in order to be informed about the progress of the task and to prevent any catastrophic failures. Such milestones should only be for informational purposes, not for decision-making purposes.

6. You have difficulty accepting others' ideas: systematically dismissing other people's ideas can quickly label you as confrontational, stubborn, and lacking vision. By doing things “your way” only, your team cannot research and implement new and possibly better ways of doing things. Progress will often come from the most unlikely places: a new hire, someone from a different industry, etc. However, an unwillingness to listen to new ideas coming from unexpected places will prevent the infusion of new blood and new thinking in your decision process. This eventually leads to creativity atrophy and stagnation.

Solution: be willing and open to listen to new ideas. While all ideas do not have merit, by showing a willingness to entertain them you stimulate the creativity and inventiveness of your team. Instead of looking to be the sole provider of new ideas, create episodic situations that allow you to generate and harvest the best ideas (forexample brainstorming sessions, retreats, and so on).

7. You need to show them who's the boss: if you need to show “them” who's the boss, by force or by threat, you've lost the battle. You may get compliance, but you will not get commitment. Your team should recognize you as the leader, with no need to force that realization upon them. You can gain their trust, loyalty, and respect simply by virtue of your behaviour.

Solution: leaders inspire people to do the best they can, while bosses need to push their people to do the minimum required. By doing all of the above, in time you will naturally emerge as “the leader” rather than “the boss.”

© 2008 Laurent Duperval, All rights reserved

Would you or your team benefit from better speaking and presentation skills? Has day-to-day communication become an issue? Laurent Duperval can help you get a handle on your public speaking and communication issues.

To engage him with your team or for coaching, call 514-902-0186 or send an email to laurent@duperval.com . To receive free public speaking and communication tips, sign up for the free newsletter at http://www.duperval.com .

www.mediaskillstraining.com

Eleven years ago Thea Chassin was diagnosed with alopecia areata, an autoimmune skin disease which causes partial or total loss of hair on the scalp, brows, lashes and body.

Determined to put herself and other women with alopecia in the "drivers seat" Thea founded Bald Girls Do Lunch a non-profit organization that brings together women with alopecia through lunch events held across the country. Her mission is that “no woman should feel alone with this condition”.

Today, Thea is a busy woman, delivering lectures in the US, Canada and Spain; breaking stereotypes that make it okay for men to be bald but not so for women; and bringing together women in an environment that is social and fun. Thea spoke with Mujeres camino al exito about her amazing journey and the crusade she’s launched.

Paula: Tell us a little bit about alopecia.

Thea: There is a lifetime chance of alopecia, the condition strikes1 in 50 and not just women. Oftentimes the condition will manifest itself but then will disappear and may or may not come back.  In some cases it can be very aggressive taking as little as three weeks for all the hair to fall off. On the other hand, I know women whose hair has fallen out and it all has come back but very case is different.

Paula: What is a good day like and what is a bad day like?

Thea: Everyday is a good day. The key is that women who don’t talk about alopecia and want to keep it a secret loose their options. If you don’t let people know and don’t explain that you have this condition you face a situation like having to wear a wig on a hot day or while on a boat. If you choose to make this a big secret you are limiting your options. When you are open about it you have more choices that let you be physically comfortable like wearing a scarf or a hat. You should truly believe that you deserve to be comfortable.

Paula: Tell us about Bald Girls Do Lunch.

Thea: It actually began in New York some years ago. I wanted to start a support group but found it hard to get people together when I called it a “support group”. Then, I asked a group of ladies if they’d be up for doing “lunch” and go bald. The idea was to create a context where we were not isolating ourselves but rather out there as we where. This approach worked better and women got very excited at the idea of having lunch with women that where going through the same thing they where going through.

The site came later, I launched it 18 months ago with the goal of helping women understand that talking about alopecia is a far better option to keeping it a secret. I have discovered an underlying theme among women with alopecia and that has to do with not knowing how to talk bout this, not knowing how to bring it up. There are different levels of coping and adjusting, and as I was launching this effort and talked to more and more women I found that they all have the same concerns.

Paula: Do you feel like you’ve succeeded in promoting awareness for alopecia?

Thea: We have made a tremendous impact on the life of many women. Women didn’t have an organization or a voice and now women phone me, email me and say “I’m so happy you're doing this, I felt so alone and now I don’t feel alone”. This relieves the burden. Right now we have the meetings in different cities. It’s positive but at the same time we are recognizing that we grieve, because there is a loss that takes place. We come together and help each other as equals.

Paula: What is a major challege you face?

Thea: At this stage it’s securing funding to help us grow and have greater reach. I’m hoping to attract a major sponsor like a cosmetics company that will recognize that what we are doing is so valuable because we need to switch up the topic of what it means to be bald. People often think that women with alopecia are cancer survivors. On the other hand, women with cancer feel awful because when they assume a woman with alopecia has cancer she is told “I don’t have cancer I’m just loosing my hair”. We need to be more open about being bald.

Paula: How long before mainstream media gets it about true beauty?

Thea: It’s a matter of time, I’m creating the tipping point, Bald Girls will continue to build until it gets to that point. We’ll continue to promote our organization in various ways. Maybe someday there’ll be a character on a TV show that will be bald. It’s a matter of women getting out and the public getting used to it. The more women want to keep it a secret the harder it will be to break down barriers. It’s not only okay but it’s imperative to shrug your shoulders and say I’ve got alopecia and be as nonchalant as bald men.

Paula: What are your future plans?

Thea: I want to do a book called Stories From Lunch. It’s going to allow any woman that picks it up, flips through and finds a story to say “I get it”.

Network with Thea Chassin, President and Founder of Bald Girls do Lunch or contact her to schedule a lunch in English/Spanish in your city. Email: thea@baldgirlsdolunch.org or visit her website: www.baldgirlsdolunch.com.

 By Liz Pabon www.lizpabon.com

recently, while thumbing through my old yearbooks it occurred to me that even as far back as high school, we were being branded.

Class clown, most likely to succeed, class cutey, were all brands we bestowed on those select few that made a favorable impression on us. While others, like Billy Schneider* who was named most likely to repeat senior year, was branded as someone I know he did not want to be known as.

We all posses a Personal Brand whether we realize it or not. In life, like in high school, if you don't brand yourself someone else will.

We know all too well how essential branding is to the success of any business but how often do we consider the role that branding plays when we market ourselves?

Billy Schneider was given a brand that was not of his choosing. Had he understood the principles of personal branding, he may have had a different experience.

It is our beliefs, values and our self-image that drive our personal brand. Failure to identify and cultivate these drivers affects our ability to attract interest, differentiate ourselves from our competition and promote and market ourselves effectively.

To experience the greatest success and impact in your relationships, consider these personal brand success principles...and stick to them:

1. Identify Your Unique Values:

Like any good marketing plan, you want to begin with what makes your product unique. In this case, the product is you. Remember that you are an original - there is no one else quite like you. What do you stand for? What are your beliefs? What do you value most? This can come from your heritage, history, etc. Jot down several key words or phrases that best describes your unique values.

2. List Your Key Attributes:

Identify your key strengths/talents in a few key words or phrases. This can be what others have told you are fantastic about you. Even more effective are those “secret strengths” you believe you have but are (for whatever reason) afraid to tell others just how fabulous you are. No one is reviewing this list but you so let your best flow…

3. Develop Your Personal Brand Statement:

Compare your unique values and key attributes and from those key words and phrases begin to develop your personal brand statement in 1-2 sentences. This statement represents your personal brands unique promise of value and is distinctive to you and only you.

What I mean is this…

Your brand statement is more than just your moral code, it is more than the code “tu madre” ingrained in you. Your brand statement represents what you truly wish to contribute to the world.

4. Integrate Your Brand Statement into Everything You Do:

Since your brand statement is the essence of you, incorporate it into all of your printed collateral. Make it a part of your introduction at networking and other functions. Communicate your brand statement in the way you conduct business and in your personal image.

I’ll be honest…

Once you craft your brand statement you’ll find it quite personal and intimate. And because of that, you may find it a challenge to express this fully in your business. I challenge you to step into the light and let the world “see” what’s in your heart. Businesses grow because of the business owners passion. Share yours with others and watch your business take off!

5. Watch Your Appearance:

If the visual image you project is not a direct reflection of your personal brand statement, you are doing yourself and others a disservice. Consider your personal image as the packaging of your personal brand. Remember, YOU are now the product and your packaging will either attract or detract from your product.

And while I’m at it, let go of preconceived “shoulds.” If you prefer a more informal mode of personal dress, it’s perfectly okay to also “dress” your business informally. Please don’t misunderstand me. Informal is not the same as sloppy. What is essential is to keep your message and packaging authentic to you.

6. Check Your Brand Behavior:

Packaging your brand includes not only your appearance but your conduct. Do you return phone calls and emails promptly? Do you deliver on your promises? Although it may seem obvious, being forgetful, stretching yourself so thin that you don't deliver on what you promise can negatively affect the integrity of your personal brand.

Too many women, particularly those of us brought up to believe our needs come last, suffer needlessly because they stretch themselves too thin. While your intentions may be good, know that setting proper boundaries are as integral to your brands success as any business plan.

7. Communicate Your Brand:

Studies show that our appearance represents 55% of influencing power when meeting someone for the first time, while 38% comes from tone of voice/behavior. The words we speak reflect the balance of 7%.

Although 7% may not seem high, it still has influencing power when meeting people for the first time. That’s why speaking in a manner that reflects the core of your personal brand is key. If your brand statement depicts energy and creativity, for example, then your speaking style should reflect those key elements as well.

8. Let Your Brand Take Center Stage:

One of the most effective ways to promote your brand is to speak in public. When asked, public speaking is one of the things most people are terrified of doing, followed by dying. Shake off the fear and communicate the brilliance of your personal brand by looking for opportunities to tell others what you can offer. The more people you can touch with your brand, the more valuable your brand becomes.

9. Evaluate Your Brand Regularly:

Make an appointment with yourself twice a year to re-evaluate your personal brand statement. If your unique values and key attributes have undergone changes (we are continually growing and evolving and there are times when that growth is so great it alters your brand) compare those changes with your personal brand statement and adjust as needed. By evaluating your personal brand on a regular basis, you are also confirming that you're on-track and staying true to your unique and authentic self.

10. Delight in Your Brand:

Many people will make the excuse that they don't have enough money, or time, to invest in themselves (or their brands). Here's a brand truth, no brand is successful without making an investment.

Stay interested in the success of your brand by paying attention to how your brand is being received and look for opportunities to tell others about your brand. The more comfortable you become with your brand the greater your chances are of attracting brand interest.

Be patient, Rome wasn't built in a day and neither will your brand. Building brand equity takes time so take the process a day at a time and enjoy the journey!

*Names have been changed to protect the wrongly branded.

©2008, Liz Pabon. All rights reserved.

Liz Pabon lives in Northern California with her hunky firefighter husband and four fury kids. Inspiring women to discover their best is her passion and purpose. To learn more about Liz and to receive her insights on success, visit her website and subscribe for her FREE weekly ezine, How She Does It. The rules of businesses have changed…have you?  www.LizPabon.com