MCAE: What is the best approach to managing your personal finances after a job loss?

EC: Know where you stand financially. Re-evaluate your budget to determine your living expenses and outgoing debt.

Are women more vulnerable than men to economic hardship?

It depends on the situation, for some women who have been the sole provider for some time they have learned to budget accordingly and have a realistic savings plan. No particular sex is more vulnerable than the other. Unfortunately, we are all vulnerable if we do not have a savings and spending plan in place.

 What are 3 things you should cut out of your expenses when tightening your personal budget?

 All miscellaneous items and non-essential items that are not needed for survival. Focus on your priorities, people should re-evaluate their needs vs. their wants. We normally break expenses down into three groups: have to, need to and want to. It's important to remember that what is important to one person maybe not be to another, you need to base your spending on your individual situation.

Where can you go for help on managing your personal finances after a job loss?

Consumer Credit Counseling Service of Greater Dallas offers Budgeting and Financial Education Classes

How much should you rely on credit cards to get by?

Try and limit use of credit cards for emergencies only, and do not charge more than you can pay off per month. The rule of thumb is to not use more than 30% of your credit limit, in other words if your credit limit is $2500 you should not exceed more than $750.

 Visit www.cccs.org

You might worry about how to protect your family if something suddenly happens to you. But you probably have life insurance you haven’t even thought about.

If you are working and paying into Social Security, your family may qualify for Social Security benefits if you die. You see, some of the Social Security taxes you pay go toward survivors insurance. In fact, its value may be more than the value of any other life insurance you may have.

If you die, your family could be eligible for monthly benefits based on your earnings. Your family members who might qualify include your minor children and your spouse. Similarly, if your spouse is working and dies, you and your children may qualify for benefits on your spouse’s record. More than six million people currently receive Social Security survivors benefits.

How it works: You can earn up to four Social Security credits each year. In 2008, for example, you earn one credit for each $1,050 of wages or self-employment income. When you have earned $4,200, you have earned your four credits for the year.

The number of credits you need for your survivors to receive benefits depends on how recently you worked at the time of death. For example, if you have worked for only one and a half years in the three years prior to death, benefits can be paid to your minor children and your spouse who is caring for them. No one needs more than 40 credits (10 years of work) to be eligible for any Social Security benefit.

The benefit may be more than you think. In 2008, the average survivors benefit for a widowed parent and two children is $2,243.

The best way to put a dollar figure on what the estimated benefit amount would be for your family is to go online. At www.socialsecurity.gov/survivorplan you will find three different calculators that will help you estimate how much your family might be eligible to receive. You also will find a detailed explanation of survivors benefits.

When you’re having a conversation with someone, you, as well as the other person, are both transmitting thousands of messages and signals to each other through your bodies.

We first used non-verbal language when we didn’t have the vocabulary to talk to our parents, or when we didn’t speak a foreign language and needed to communicate. Since this mode of communication is the most primitive, our gestures, postures and movements reveal our emotional state, and reflect the way we relate to the world. To effectively seduce someone, it’s very important to bring into harmonious balance “what you say,” “what you feel,” and “what you communicate.” Bringing these three factors into balance greatly increases the likelihood of success. There are some secrets to becoming highly aware of body language, either of your own or someone else’s, so you can use it most effectively. Here are some hints:

Downcast eyes: When we are talking to someone and we know that they are hiding something, they tend to look down at the ground. A corollary gesture, placing one hand on the opposite arm, indicates a lack of confidence, rather than rejection. Sometimes insecure people use this gesture in an attempt to put themselves at ease.

Not making eye contact during a conversation: this can indicate shyness, or it could mean that the person doesn’t trust what we’re saying.

Looking away before speaking: This shows that the person will offer a carefully considered response. Although this is a very subtle gesture, it’s easy to interpret messages this person sends.

Playing with hair: Many women have a habit of playing with their hair, twisting it or touching it, when they are faced with a person they like. This is a flirtatious gesture, but it can also indicate insecurity and a fear of engaging in conversation.

Crossed arms: this posture indicates a critical, unreceptive, defensive attitude.

Head movements: these gestures communicate different things, according to their rhythm. For example, when someone is speaking and we agree with what they say, in general, we nod our head rapidly, since we are interested in what they are saying. Affirmative movements of the head indicate different things, according to their rhythm. When the nods are rapid, this means, “I understand, please go on.” Tilting the head is another clue that we can interpret in various ways. Tilting the head slightly forward and to one side means, “I’m listening.” And when the head tilt is accompanied by a smile and eye contact, this produces even greater feelings of empathy, and the chances of gaining cooperation are greater.

In contrast, when we don’t agree with what is being expressed, we tend to move our heads slowly from side to side as they speak, as if to negate them. Resting the head on a hand, or looking down at the ground indicates boredom, exhaustion or lack of interest in the other person.

Crossing the legs and shaking a foot: We tend to do this when we’re bored; we may be shaking a foot or rotating an ankle without even realizing we’re doing it.

Shaking a leg: Shaking a leg in a constant, mechanical way when we’re sitting down, either while we’re speaking or listening to someone else, can be an expression of discomfort. It also indicates a desire to leave that particular situation or environment as soon as possible.

Gestures of superiority: Leaning back in a chair, interrupting others, or modulating the voice louder than everyone else’s in a particular group are all an attempt to demonstrate superiority.

Pursing the lips: This can indicate that the person has doubts or doesn’t quite believe what the other person is saying. It can also indicate a reluctance to speak honestly. People who make this gesture are definitely not fully expressing what they are thinking or feeling.

Signs of sexual repression: touching parts of the body can be a way of comforting oneself or an attempt to relax in a stressful situation, like massaging the back of the neck, or running fingers through hair. Licking one’s lips or chewing on an object, like a pen, indicates a certain level of sexual repression, especially when this behavior is engaged in very frequently. It could also be an attempt to be seen as sexy, depending on the overall attitude of the person doing it. Other gestures that indicate certain nervousness or a repression of sexual desires are moving the feet or fingers restlessly, playing with objects, loosening articles of clothing, etc.

Signs of hostility: Some indications of hostility are stomping feet or kicking an object; frowning, or biting the lips.

While you’re trying to send specific messages through your body language, you must try to be very relaxed. If you’re tense, the receiver will pick up on that.

And being relaxed will help you to better read the signals the target of your seduction is sending. The most important thing is to be aware of the messages you are transmitting with every movement, expression and gesture. Maybe the object of your affections has read The Love Diet, my book, too and is well-versed in the art of seduction!

 Mabel Iam made it to the Celebrity Authors List with the publication of her first book in English, Sex and the Perfect Lover ( 2004), and has remained there on account of the successful and renowned “The Love Diet®”.

Anything’s possible. The key questions you need to ask yourself are: What am I looking for? And what am I willing to risk in this search?

There will be certain times and places where you can meet a new love or make new friends. And if you know what you are looking for and what you’re willing to risk, having a sense of clarity gives you the advantage of being conscious of your needs, projecting self-assuredness rather than nervous insecurity, having clearly defined expectations. First dates or initial conversations should simply be an opportunity to talk, without any pressure. Try these ideas for meeting people:

Take a course in a subject that really interests you   Although it may have nothing to do with your career, you will meet people who have the same inclinations you do.

Join a gym or sports club  You could make new friends, find a new partner or just meet someone interesting. And participating in a sport or working out at a gym will get you into shape. You’ll enjoy a new social life. You’ll fill your free time.

Strengthen your spirit  Go to places that have spiritual significance for you, it could be a church, a temple, a mosque, etc. Learn about religions or new spiritual practices that can strengthen your connection with divine or universal energy.

Travel   Go on a cruise, or travel to a destination where you can meet new people. There are many resorts that make it easy to make new friends.

Go on the internet    Thank God for the internet!! I could tell you all about my personal experience in this area, but that would fill up an entire book in itself. I went on one website, and partly as a lark and partly as a test, I posted a photo of myself and listed some of my hobbies. And that’s how I met my husband. It’s incredible how destiny can bring together two people who live so far apart. I was in Buenos Aires, while he was in New York City. With all the love relationships I have had in my life, he is definitely my one and only soul mate.

Try it, you have nothing to lose.

Cultural places   Art and beauty bring people together. Go to museums and cultural events.

Go see live music   Music is a force that can tame the wildest beasts. Go to all the shows and concerts that interest you, even if you go by yourself.

Sporting events   If you like a sport, but you’re a man and think you won’t meet any women at an event, I can assure you that many couples out there first met at things like car races, horse races and other events.

Go to all the parties you can   It can feel really hard to go to parties and social events when you’re newly single, without a partner, but that’s the point: you could meet somebody new.

You can try any or all of these suggestions. Try it, get out there, you have nothing to lose.

Leave your fears and prejudices at home, and get on a new Love Diet.

Mabel Iam is the author of international award-winning self-help bestseller on love, sex, psychology and astrology. Mabel is a psychotherapist, romance therapist, adviser and expert in relationships as well as TV and radio host and producer. 

Network with Mabel Iam, visit her website www.mabeliam.com or for consultation call (305) 864 5310.

The Estimator also will let you create “what if” scenarios. You can, for example, change “stop work” dates or expected future earnings to create and compare different retirement options.

To protect your privacy, only the final retirement estimates are given to you online. The Retirement Estimator does not show your earnings record information on which the final benefit estimate was calculated. And it does not reveal any personal information, such as your address, earnings or other information, that could lead to identity theft.

Having gone through a divorce, I realize that no one really wants a divorce but sometimes it becomes necessary. Even when it’s the right thing to do it’s a hard road. Here’s a bit of my story that I hope will be of help a woman who is going through the same thing.

With no kids, I thought the process would be quick and relatively smooth. Au contraire! Fortunately, I received some good advice from my sister who works as a paralegal. When it became clear my marriage was disintegrating, she told me to make copies of all personal and legal documents. And, make multiple copies.

I made three of everything. One set for myself (should I have to pick up and leave unexpectedly), one set for safekeeping at another location (such as safe-deposit box or with a very trusted friend), and a set that I would later give to my attorney.

Documents big sis said divorcing women need are:

• Driver’s licenses, his and yours
• Most recent statements for his, yours and joint:
• bank accounts (savings, checking, money market, CDs)
• investment accounts
• credit cards
• other debt (auto, student loans, etc.)
• retirement accounts
• Mortgage documents
• Property titles
• Legal property descriptions (from mortgage papers or tax bills)
• Home equity loans/lines of credit
• Auto titles
• Recent pay stubs, his and yours
• Tax returns and W-2s from last two years
• Stock options
• Insurance policies
• Wills
• If you have children, their birth certificates

You may not need all of these documents for your actual legal proceedings. However, at some point you will have to update things such insurance policies. It saves a lot of time if you can easily locate information like customer service and policy numbers. Also, items such as tax returns and wills document assets you may have overlooked.

Another plus of going through the hassle of making all these copies is that it will save on your legal expenses. With this info at his or her fingertips, your attorney will not have to spend time researching it.

Organize your documents any way you find easiest to use – three-ring binder, file folders, accordion files. It really doesn’t matter as long as you gather the information you need. I used a three-ring binder and colored Post-its to label each section. Green for income and taxes, purple for property documents – you get the idea.

Yes, it took hours to gather and copy these documents. Fortunately I had a copier in my home office. But even if I would have taken them to Kinko’s, it would have been worth the effort. Multiply your time by your attorney’s billing rate and you can see the savings.

There were other benefits of this copying marathon, too. It gave me a sense of control over at least one part of my life which was spiraling out of control. It gave me a concrete look at exactly what our assets and liabilities were. These documents became the basis of spreadsheets used by me and my attorney to argue for a fair settlement. In the end, I believe I got a fair settlement in large part because I was armed with information and my attorney was able to negotiate with real numbers.

My divorce was final last December and recently my sister returned the set of copies she kept for me. I’m glad I didn’t have to access them but it was nice to know that even if something had happened to my copies there was a backup set. Now it’s time to turn on the shredder!

I am a firm believer that you should steer life and not let life steer you.  This is why “safe zones” should be revisited once in a while and renamed as “danger zones”.  Now, don’t get me wrong, safe zones are nice.  They are a breath of fresh air or a nice warm bath, unfortunately, our skin gets tired of “fresh” air when it starts getting too cold, or, to the contrary, your skin starts to wrinkle under the over exposure to warm water.  My point is, we need to be open to change.  Based on this I decided to modify my future, whatever that was, and do a career change.  Scary, right? It gets better, trust me.

During that precious hour there are no gas prices, no economy issues, no human rights transgressions, no primary candidates, no crime, abuse, pain. There is absolutely nothing but me, nature and music.  And these elements, for 60 minutes, encompass what I like to call an “experience”.

Even as I write I am breathless because I can close my eyes and transport myself into this haven.

“Experience”. Women, Latinas, Mothers, Daughters, Sisters, I call onto you to Live.  These “experiences” will be sketched in your memories for years to come.  And these “experiences” will not be taken away from you.  Yes, there are problems, and there is work, and there are families and friends and jobs to tend to.  But it only takes one; simple, even short, to give you infinite moments of personal smiles for the soul.  It might be difficult, but trust me, it is not impossible to achieve “experiences”.

All right, I have shared an experience with you.  Now I want you to share experiences with others.  Click on the little “comment” button below and tell me about your most cherished experience.  Tell me about childbirth, establishing your new business, going back to college or renewing your life.  All is game; meanwhile, I’ll just sit and wait.

You should tell Social Security if you legally change your name for any reason. You should also tell your employer. Skipping this important step may:

· Delay your tax refund; and

· Prevent your wages from being posted correctly to your Social Security record, which may lower the amount of your future Social Security benefits.

Changing your name with Social Security can be simple, if you prepare before visiting an office. First, go to www.socialsecurity.gov. You’ll want to read the Application for a Social Security Card (Form SS-5), which you can find at www.socialsecurity.gov/online/ss-5.pdf.

Lydia came to me last week and said “mom, I have your mother’s day gift! It’s a diamond necklace” she bough it with her own money when she went shopping with her babysitter. It’s the first mother’s day gift I’m getting from my 9 year old daughter and even tough Lydia clarified “…well, they aren’t real diamonds mom but they are shiny and pretty” to me those shiny stones hold the same value as if they where 3 karat diamonds.

Being a single mom is not something I planned to be but things worked out this way because things happen that we don’t plan for. I came to this country leaving behind an abusive husband so that my daughter would not have to live in fear like I did. Lydia was four when we arrived and we both had to adjust to a new life, a new language while still maintaining own identity.

The process of adaptation is much harder for mothers than for children. When you come from another country the cultural shock is very hard. My daughter spoke no English when we arrived, she was four, but a few months later she began speaking English. Of course, it was much harder for me, it took me six years to learn the language but the biggest benefit of this transition is that she is bicultural; she knows what she likes of each world and has a very open mind.

I instill in my daughter the importance of being her own woman, being financially independent so she can always make desicions with her best interest in mind. I teach her that beauty does not buy you independence, I teach her to love who she is and do things she is passionate about. We live in a century where women can be anything they want and don’t really need a man for financial security. The only area that I’ve neglected is religion and teaching her what her religion is about. Time goes by so fast and now that she is nine I want her to be more aware of her spirituality. If we were in my country my mother would have taken on this role but here it is up to me. But I do teach her right from wrong and the moral values that molded me as a child.

Despite all the challenges we face, I look at this amazing little girl in my life and feel honored and inspired to be her mom. She is giving me a ‘diamond’ necklace on Mother’s Day but all the diamonds in the world could not add up the amount of joy she’s brought into my life. This Mother’s Day my wishes go out to all the single moms who are the hero in their child’s life everyday. ¡Feliz día de las madres!